


but you won't see me fall apart

by reinacadeea



Series: i've got an elastic heart [3]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M, POV Outsider, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-05
Updated: 2015-04-05
Packaged: 2018-03-21 10:20:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3688545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reinacadeea/pseuds/reinacadeea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>#ByeKatie</p>
            </blockquote>





	but you won't see me fall apart

**Author's Note:**

> Victoria POV. 
> 
> Aaron is both better and worse in this particular piece. It will be referenced badly by other characters. Also, fair warning, this story has a very different feel to the other two. Mainly because their story is being narrated by Vic and not Aaron. 
> 
> Thank you in particular to livesysugden for the banner and to all the people messaging me to continue. I am stunned by the reaction from readers who feel like I have captured depression and I just, once again, want to tell you that I respect you for standing up and telling me. In the end, this is a lovestory to you. 
> 
> Enjoy reading.

 

                                     

 

  
  
_Interlude_

 

  
The first couple of times, Aaron is silent, completely numb on the same drugs that kept his mum’s depression at bay. He sleeps through the night and Nick likes the noisy silence of having someone breathe in tandem beside you.  
  
They have sex once and only once, but Nick learns a lot of things about Aaron that one night. Maybe it’s the amount of pills Aaron’s taken or maybe it’s just a bad night. He tosses and turns, kicking the duvet off, pulling it back on.  
  
It’s not until much later that Nick revisits that night and the one single name that Aaron kept repeating over and over again, like a mantra in his head. It’s not until much later that he suddenly needs leverage and needs to start investigating why exactly he got so completely blind-sighted by Aaron convincing Robert to switch sides and start working for the very man that Nick has spent years trying to put away.  
  
Aaron is an equation that doesn’t fit in the puzzle that is Robert Sugden – a man Nick spent years knowing both intimately and professionally. He has seen Robert in truly awful situation, playing it all to his advantage, but becoming a leader in a well-established criminal organization is a part of him Nick never really thought he had in him. But none of it would have happened if Aaron had kept out of it, if he had stayed in that bloody little village of his and left the games to the professionals. But Aaron played the game and he won it. Nick expected him to come forward and work alongside Robert, yet it’s not what happened and Nick has to assume that Aaron hasn’t wanted any of it, the money or the influence – he just did it for Robert, of all people.  
  
So Nick starts with Aaron Livesy, 23, of Emmerdale and ends in an evidence room in Hotten, looking at a phone with hearts on the cover trying to decide whether he’s just won the lottery or if it’s worth dragging up old wounds for nothing. But that’s the question when Robert is involved. Aaron is certainly involved with Robert, not just as a friend, but as a loyal lover. Nick can’t help but wonder exactly how far Robert would go for a lover.

  
-

  
_"You did not break me_  
_(you did not break me, no)_  
_I'm still fighting for peace_  
  
_Well, I've got thick skin and an elastic heart,_  
_But your blade—it might be too sharp_  
_I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard,_  
_Yeah, I may snap and I move fast_  
_But you won't see me fall apart_  
_'Cause I've got an elastic heart_ "  


 

 

\--  
  
2017  
  
\--

  
_Present_

  
Victoria sits two cups in front of Chas and Diane and sighs worriedly. “It’s not looking good,” she remarks and grabs her own cup.  
  
“How did it even come to this?” Chas says resigned and leans back in her chair. “We’ve tried everything; done the fundraisers, taken the loans… What more can they want?”  
  
“I don’t see how we are going to get all that money,” Diane says and her hands are shaking slightly, so Victoria leans over and covers them with her own.  
  
“Look, I don’t want to bring this up,” she says tentatively, but Diane breaks her off.  
  
“Don’t even think about it, pet!”  
  
“But we have to!” Victoria says sternly. “Chas, you must get that?”  
  
Chas remains silent, but she doesn’t look like she’ll listen to sense either.  
  
“Robert has the money,” Victoria pushes forward and it almost physically pains her to say his name. The local newspaper sits in front of her and she opens it to the picture and article she found this morning.  
  
“Prominent Leeds Business Mogul Expands Overseas with London Partner,” she reads and Chas tries to stop her, but she keeps on. “ _Local Chariot Autos’ CEO Robert Sugden, 30, has once again expanded his business alongside partner Alfred Queen, bringing up their net worth exponentially and starting a new era of the car business that Queen started in Wales fifteen years ago. The business has expanded in recently with Sugden running Chariot Autos North and promises to create more jobs and other income possibilities for locals._ ”  
  
“I will not talk to that man,” Diane says angrily, interrupting. “He has burned any bridges left and I will not go and beg money of off that! I will not.”  
  
“We might not have much choice,” Victoria says. “We can’t just forget what he’s done, but he would help.”  
  
“Are you sure, Vic?” Chas says and she sounds hesitant. “How do you know?”  
  
Victoria looks at them guiltily and fondles with the hem of her shirt. “Adam went to visit them a couple of months back.”  
  
Them. The big elephant in the room. Robert and Aaron. She can barely think about all of it without wanting to smash something, without wanting to scream in frustration. She should have thought that when you cheat on someone - the way they cheated on Chrissie - there is a possibility that worse things have been shoved in the closet. She should have guessed why Aaron got so sick. They all should have guessed. And Robert had torn himself apart trying to stitch Aaron back together without a single soul finding out.  
  
She remembers Adam coming back, looking at her guiltily and so flaming sorry that his best friend is such a mess. She had screamed at him then, how he could forgive Aaron so easily. She forgets sometimes that Aaron’s forgiven Adam for doing bad things as well and that their friendship transcends usual bonds.  
  
“Robert made sure Holy Scrap kept on after Lawrence pulled out,” she tells them. “He’ll help.”  


\--

 

_Past_

  
Seeing Robert being happy is still a bit strange, Victoria thinks as she sees him tease Aaron in the corner of the pub. Aaron isn’t into much public displays of affection and he usually rebuffs Robert’s attention with a single fond look and a quick glance towards the ceiling and furthermore – his old room.  
  
Robert seems settled and happy in his new house - much more settled than his strange marriage of convenience with Chrissie up at Home Farm. It’s interior design might be a black and white hell (according to Diane), but that’s for Aaron’s sake. A lot of stuff is for Aaron’s sake, she’s come to learn.  
  
Not a lot of people had seen it coming, the two of them, but then again neither had she and a large part of the affair played out in her own home. It might not have come as a complete shock that Robert had been straying, and not just with a bored one-night stand. It wasn’t even some poor cow who got in where she couldn’t breathe. It was Aaron - of all people, which brought in a ton of questions sexuality-wise that Robert hadn’t been fond of answering (and still isn’t, if she’s being completely honest). But through all the fights, Robert has managed to find a balance in his life. He loves Aaron and the dog that follows Aaron around constantly. He’s gone above and beyond what anyone thought he would and could for Aaron and with a lot of their previous encounters coming to light – it’s been going on under all of their noses. Victoria remembers the Andy/Katie/Sadie hayday and looking back she can’t even vaguely see how Aaron managed to settle him. But it’s not her place. She loves her brother and wants him to be happy.  
  
They’ve been on hols with Robert’s fancy London partner somewhere in Cornwall and came back sunburned and happy, like some sort of weight has been lifted off both their shoulders. She might not really get Alfred Queen, but he’s got enough money to keep Robert interested and out of trouble for months now and she oddly grateful for that. Queen had come around, some months ago, in some black monstrosity of a car with two bulky-looking blokes that looked more like bodyguards than mates and eaten Victoria’s best food while Aaron looked awkward as hell as Robert and Queen talked shop. She admires Robert for even getting him to attend in the first place. Then they’d gone to the scrap yard and visited Robert and Aaron’s house before Robert, in his best suit, left with Queen in the huge car.  
  
He sells cars. It must be a bit more lucrative than the Dingle business – not that she’ll ever say that to Cain’s face.  
  
“You two look cosy today,” she remarks to Robert when he comes for a round of drinks at the bar.  
  
“We’re settling a bet,” he tells her with a smirk.  
  
“Ew.”  
  
He laughs. “Get your mind out of the gutter, sis.” He leans in closer and she leans with him. “He’s happier.”  
  
“You both are,” she tells him and brushes his shoulder with her hand. “I’m dead happy for you. Who would of thought a Sugden settling with another Dingle that isn’t Debbie.”  
  
“Don’t let her hear you say that,” Robert snorts and Victoria rolls her eyes.  
  
The door opens to two police officers appearing and she watches Robert tense up, chin up – and suddenly he looks nothing like the settled bloke he was just seconds ago. She immediately gets a nagging feeling in the back of her mind that Robert’s involved in something he absolutely shouldn’t be.  
  
A stocky bloke she vaguely recognizes as a former patron comes in behind them. He looks more like police than he did the last time he was here.  
  
“Can I help you, gentlemen?” she says, but the policeman in civilian only has eyes for Robert. What’s he done now?  
  
“What are you doing here, Hall?” Robert bites out and Victoria notices Andy standing up behind their brother defensively.  
  
Hall just gives Robert a very omnious smirk and turns away from him. “Aaron Livesy, I’m arresting you on suspicion of murder.”  
  
Aaron stands up, white as a leaf, and holds onto the table.  
  
“Are you mad? What murder?” Robert says coolly.  
  
“That of Katie Sugden,” Hall says. “Your sister-in-law - if I’m not mistaken.”  
  
“Why would you say something like that?” Andy says and surges forward angrily, only being stopped by Robert’s hand on his bicep. “She died in an accident. Her neck broke in the fall.”  
  
“Yeah, so the report says,” Hall says and motions for one of the officers to hand him a file. “This picture says otherwise.”  
  
He displays two pictures on the bar, one an empty picture of Wylie’s Farm in all it’s dusty and broken interior and another one of the exact same shot, except this time Aaron and Robert are caught in a passionate kiss. It’s fairly low quality, so it must be taken from a phone. The picture in itself isn’t a huge shock, since about everyone in the village is fairly well aware that Robert and Aaron had an affair for months before it got revealed. But the clothes… the clothes is what Victoria really can’t unsee, because she recognizes Robert’s suit in the picture. God, she even picked it up from the tailor’s.  
  
It’s a picture from Robert and Chrissie’s wedding day. It’s the day Katie fell to her death and set off Andy on a spiral of self-destruction. Why were Robert and Aaron up at Wylie’s Farm the day Katie died? What possible explanation can Robert give to that? She looks to him for answer, but is sorely disappointed.  
  
None, she infers from the shocked look on his face.

  
  
\--

 

_Present_

They go to Leeds on a day where they are sure Robert will be at the office. Adam never went to visit the house Robert and Aaron lives in and for some reason Robert is only listed at the huge business. The only way to contact them is at the Chariot Autos’ main office.  
  
Victoria looks in the rearview mirror and sees Chas staring out the window, pale as a ghost despite the summer. She’s not seen Aaron for so long and Victoria knows she hopes Aaron will be there. No matter what Aaron’s done, Chas still loves her son more than anything in this world. Victoria doesn’t envy her the extra struggle of knowing that Chas had a part in Aaron growing up and this is still how he ended growing up.  
  
Victoria has been used to Robert ignoring her for most of her adult life and she doesn’t need his approval the same way Chas needs Aaron’s. Diane feels bitter resentment, knowing how she could have done something… anything really.  
Chariot Autos is a large lit-up car dealership show-monument that outshines the surrounding buildings by far. She’s been there once before, once when she still thought the world of her brother. She won’t have an in with the secretary or anything that will get them to see Robert if he doesn’t want to see them. It’s a gamble that they felt necessary.  
  
“Well, this is it then,” Diane states and Victoria sometimes marvels at her courage and how she’s often the one to hit the problem on the head. She’s out of the car before Victoria’s even turned it off and Chas follows her out a bit more stiffly, shoulders hunched and a miserable air around her.  
  
They walk inside and a pleasant-looking salesman in a pristine suit greats them.  
  
“What can I do you for today, ladies?” he says.  
  
“We’re looking for Robert Sugden,” Victoria says and gives the fancy car around her a curious glance, marveling at the obvious show of prestige and money all those flash cars are.  
  
“Does he know you’re coming?”  
  
“No, he doesn’t,” she tells him with a sigh.  
  
The salesman gives her a tight smile and he’s the one guarding his boss’ best interest. “Mr. Sugden is only available as per arrangement. I hope I can be of help instead.”  
  
“I’m his sister,” Victoria says and gets straight to the point. No more messing. She might as well tell the truth. “We would like to see him now, please.”  
  
“Well, you’re in luck, I suppose,” the man says and looks at something behind her shoulder. “It seems he has just come back from a meeting.”  
  
Victoria turns around with Chas and Diane and sees a large Mercedes-Benz pulling to a stop outside the shop. An employee shuffles up to the car and opens it and out steps Robert, dressed as impeccably as everything else in this flaming shop. He rights his shirt and jacket while talking on the phone. His hair’s done up in a haircut that probably costs more than Victoria’s yearly salary and his shoes are shiny and unblemished. He looks every bit the businessman that she knows he really is.  
  
He doesn’t see them at first, but as he enters the grand exposition hall, he finally ends his phone call and starts at their presence.  
  
“What are you doing here?” he asks surprised and she can see the hint of vulnerability, before it’s quickly hidden behind his usual posterior and business-like attitude.  
  
“Can we talk in private?” Victoria asks softly.  
  
He gives her a tentative smile and shifts some of his attention to Chas and Diane. “Yeah, of course.”  
  
“Can I offer you something to drink?” the salesman asks quite pleasantly now that her story has been verified.  
  
“Thank you, Hensley,” Robert says. “Tea would be good. In my office, yes?”  
  
Hensley the Salesman nods. “Coming right up, sir.”  
  
Robert’s office is understandably the biggest one, partially cut off from view, but still open and inviting. One corner of the office is furnished with a stylish set of chairs and table and a flatscreen hovering on the wall behind it. To the other side lies the city of Leeds and the entirety of its business area. Chariot Autos’ logo is proudly displayed on the wall behind his office desk and Victoria wonders how much power is displayed here on a daily basis. She gets the feeling that Robert knows exactly how this office is supposed to feel to outsiders.  
  
“I’m surprised to see you here,” Robert says after offering them a seat at the table.  
  
The chairs are quite comfortable, Victoria notes.  
  
“We wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t absolutely necessary,” Diane says stoically.  
  
“I don’t doubt it,” Robert says and he sounds resolutely sad and resigned at the situation. “Tell me what you need, then.”  
  
“Money,” Chas says and Robert looks at her far more gently than he does his stepmother.  
  
“A man came to the pub a couple of months ago,” Victoria says. “We are struggling to pay off the loan he offered and he keeps wanting more. We are at the end of our wits and we can’t think of anything else to do to pay it off.”  
  
“Why would you accept a loan of someone you didn’t know?” Robert asks and he sounds businesslike and professional. He doesn’t sound anything like the bitter estranged boy that they expected in the car.  
  
“Andy was in a bad way after the whole Katie thing,” Chas says and Robert has the decency to look vaguely guilty. “We had to take a loan to pay off some, eh, things and now we’re in over our heads.”  
  
“Does this man have a name or do I need to find that out as well?” Robert asks.  
  
“He calls himself Victor Stranton,” Diane says. “He’s a vile man, Robert.”  
  
Robert frowns. “I’ve heard his name before.” He gets up and opens the glass door, shouting down at Hensley to come up.  
  
“He’s Marcus Stranton’s brother,” Hensley explains after being prompted by Robert. He apparently doesn’t just work as a salesman and tea getter. Not if Robert relies on him to have information about certain things. “He runs shop down in Vickerton. They’ve had a bit of a cash-flow problem these last couple of months and have had to do a bit of creative incoming.”  
  
“Makes sense, then,” Robert says and, no, that does not make sense. “It might also be why I haven’t heard about it.”  
  
“Victor would go to Marcus before you, sir,” Hensley says. “With Liverpool still struggling…”  
  
Robert nods again like he gets it.  
  
“This despicable man works for you?” Diane spits out. “Have you no shame?”  
  
“It’s not about shame, Diane,” he says. “It’s about business.”  
  
“What sort of business would need that much money flowing? It’s a crime. It’s extortion.”  
  
Robert levels a look at his stepmother. “And you willingly took the loan, so I don’t see why that makes you any better.”  
  
“No, you wouldn’t,” she says.  
  
“All right, the both of you!” Victoria interrupts. “We are not here to discuss the legality of Robert’s business. We all know laws are a foreign concept to him anyway.”  
  
Robert snorts and Hensley cracks a tiny amused smile.  
  
“The real question is; can you do anything about it?” she asks her big brother.  
  
“Yes,” Robert answers easily. “But I want something in return.”

 

  
\--

 

_Past_

“‘ _Wylie’s farm now_ ’, is a text written from Aaron Livesy’s phone to Katie Sugden on February 5th, 2015,” Hall says and the pub’s gone completely silent. “Witnesses later recall that Mr. Livesy turned up to the wedding ceremony a bit late. Wonder what he was doing in the meantime?”  
  
“This is cruel,” Robert says. “How can you even say that? You know Aaron!”  
  
“Exactly,” Hall says. “I suppose I should thank you driving Aaron into my bed. He talks in his sleep. I wouldn’t have had a clue where to start either.”  
  
The pub freezes and Victoria zeroes in on Aaron, damaged and broken Aaron with his severe depression that had escalated so quickly with Katie’s death. And now that she thinks about it, she remembers Aaron coming in late at the wedding. God, and at the funeral as well, Aaron standing up and looking like someone ready to confess.  
“It was an accident,” Robert shouts.  
  
“Probable cause,” Hall continues undisturbed and advances on Aaron, who is backing away, shoulders shaking and lips thinning into a sad line. “No alibi. A photo to put you both on the scene. Aaron did this.”  
  
“Nick, please,” Robert says and puts himself in front of Aaron, stopping Hall’s advance. “Don’t do this. For old friendship’s sake, I beg you not to do this.”  
  
“Like you cared so much about friendship when you double-crossed me,” Hall says coolly. “I have real solid evidence and you will pay!”  
  
“You don’t know what happened! You weren’t there,” Robert says.  
  
“Robert…” Aaron says, voice shaking and Victoria watches him grab Robert’s sleeve and thug him around. “It’s fine.”  
  
“It’s not fine.”  
  
“You don’t have to cover for me anymore,” Aaron says and this time he sounds surer, steadier.  
  
God, what have they done?  
  
“I did it,” Aaron says. “I pushed her.”  
  
“Shut up!’ Robert shouts and he looks panicked. “Don’t say it!”  
  
“It’s too late,” Hall says. “I heard it. The whole pub heard it.”  
  
“Stop lying,” Robert pleads at Aaron, grabbing his face in his hands. “Don’t do this to yourself.”  
  
Aaron grabs Robert’s wrists and looks him square in the eyes. “The truth is out. I’ll be fine, I promise.”  
  
“I’ll fix it,” Robert says earnestly. “I’ll have you home before you know it.”  
  
“No,” Aaron tells him. “I won’t have you dictate what I do this time. This is my punishment and my punishment alone.”  
  
Hall sidesteps Robert and handcuffs Aaron without trouble while rattling off his rights. Aaron is poised, shoulders held high, chin up and when Hall guides him by Andy, Aaron mutters ‘I’m sorry’ under his breath and they’re gone out the door, leaving only one of the coppers behind.  
  
“If you’ll follow me, Mr. Sugden,” the copper says. “We will need your statement as well.”  
  
Robert runs his hands through his hair and he looks completely shaken. “He didn’t do this.”  
  
“He confessed,” the copper says. “Unless, of course you have something more to confess?”  
  
Robert fixes his stare on Andy and he looks so flaming sorry. “No, I don’t,” he says and he follows the copper as well, leaving the confession hanging wide open in the silent pub.  
  
“What just happened?” Kerry says and breaks the silence, the whole pub all start talking at once. All Victoria can focus on is Andy’s face.  
  
“Oh, Andy,” she sighs and pulls him into a tight hug. He’s completely unresponsive and she tries to convey some measure of comfort. She can’t even begin to imagine how to console Andy this time. What possible reason could Aaron have for hurting Andy like this? What is it that has slipped the intense scrutiny the village rained down upon Robert and Aaron following their reveal?  
  
She watches Chas storm into the pub, distraught and from the fierce look on her face, she’s just seen her son being carted away by the police.  
  
“Aaron killed Katie,” Andy tells her and his voice his surprisingly strong considering the statement.  
  
“That’s a lie!” Chas says viciously.  
  
“He confessed, Chas,” Victoria says. “Right in the middle of the pub. He confessed.”  
  
No wonder Aaron’s spiraled completely. Keeping something like that hidden wreaked havoc with him the first time around with Jackson. With Katie on his conscience as well… What have they done?

 

  
\--

 

 

_Present_  
  
Stranton shows up at the pub two days after their visit to Chariot Autos in Leeds. His eyes are sharp and dangerous and Victoria can hardly believe she even entertained the thought that he was attractive. She’s got Adam and he’s worth ten of Stranton.  
  
He saunters in and orders a drink of off Alicia. Alicia, bless her, recognizes him immediately and goes to find Diane while Victoria ducks out to call her brother. Robert promises to be there in less than an hour, meaning Victoria will be saddled with the very important task of stalling. She takes a deep breath and reenters the pub. She’s encountered worse flirtation behind the pub bar than what Stranton’s leery eyes and terrible flirty comments.  
  
Stranton has made no disguise of the fact that he finds her openly attractive and she must once again endure his flirtations until Diane calls her away to take an ‘order’.  
  
“I feel dirty,” she tells Chas in the back, shuddering.    
  
“It’s for a good cause,” Chas tries to reassure her.  
  
“And the thing he wants in return? Robert, I mean.”  
  
Chas sighs. “I’m working up to it.”  
  
They’ve called in Marlon to take care of orders while Stranton’s in the pub, so really’s just Diane and Chas giving Victoria a bit of a breather.  
  
“It’s just about money, luv,” Stranton leers when she returns to bar. “Won’t mean we can’t go out.”  
  
“Right,” Victoria tells him uncomfortably and tries to steel her voice. “We found a different solution though.”  
  
Stranton looks surprised. “Did you?”  
  
“I’ve got a brother, you know,” she says. “We don’t really talk to him, but he’s there when it’s counted. Like now.”  
  
“Well, then getting me the money should be no problem, unless you’re trying to cross me.”  
  
Robert saunters into the pub and Victoria straightens her back. She actually glad to see him, which is a first for so long. He gives her a tentative smile, but it turns into a full-on condescending smile when he sees Stranton.  
  
Stranton only gives him a cursory glance before turning away again. Then, as if his brains have caught up, he startles and quickly stands a lot more tall than he did while creeping Victoria out. “Uh, Mr. Sugden. God, Sugden. I am so sorry.”  
  
“I would certainly hope so,” Robert says and Victoria never quite gets what sort of person he can be before she sees him in action. “I have talked to your brother and I hope that this sort of behaviour ceases to exist in this exact village.”  
  
“Yes, of course,” Stranton says. “You are the boss.”  
  
Robert nods with an air of satisfaction. “It would appear so. I’ve informed your brother what you can do to get Vickerton back up and running. I hope you will impress me and that I will find no further fault in your continued work for Mr. Queen and I.”  
  
Stranton nods and doesn’t look like a man defeated. He looks like a man with renewed energy, like a weight has been lifted off his shoulder or maybe as if he’s found new purpose. So, while Robert has managed to secure the pub’s future, he’s managed to settle a disgruntled employee as well. He will honestly never cease to amaze her.  
  
With Stranton’s departure, Victoria leads her brother into the back, steering him away from the prying eyes of the village. He’s not exactly a welcome presence in Emmerdale and though he’s done no harm to anyone for months or even been around, the village doesn’t forget easily.  
  
“We might have our differences,” Diane says and hands him a brew. “But I won’t discredit you by saying you’re not good at what you do.”  
  
Robert’s sat down in one of the plush chairs. “It’s a trick of the trade.”  
  
“I’ve naught a doubt,” Diane says and Victoria can see she’s struggling with seeing Robert at all.  
  
“What she means,” Chas says. “Is thank you. We couldn’t have done it without you.”  
  
Robert studies her and sighs. “Chas, I won’t force this on you –“  
  
“I know,” Chas says hesitantly.  
  
“He’s your son,” he says. “He just wants to see you, know that you still care.”  
  
“He’s not made it easy,” she says with a tired smile.  
  
The aftermath of Aaron’s shock confession in the pub shocked the village. Not just because it was surprising, but because it created tensions between two families who had a lot to say. With the revelation that Robert had been cheating on Chrissie on their wedding day, Lawrence pulled the money from the scrap yard and relocated his family, stating he would no longer be a part of Robert’s deceit. Some had expected Robert to deny all and try to distance himself from Aaron, but he surprised everyone by picking a side and it wasn’t Andy’s side. That felt like a bigger betrayal than the revelation. However, the more information came forward of why and how Katie died, the more clear it became that Robert was clearly tied to the whole thing and he would make or break it with Aaron’s sentencing. Aaron’s been alienated and shunned and Robert burned his tentative bridges by following him.

  
Last anyone heard, in the newspaper no less, Robert had moved Aaron and Stub to Leeds and lived there in silence for months while giving no clue as to how both of them were faring. Victoria remembers thinking how unlike of him it is to go quietly. Apparently, today isn’t one of those days.    
  
Robert has made demands for what he’s done today and it’s Chas that has to make it happen.  
  
It’s Paddy.  
  
“We’ll all go, right,” Victoria says. “Adam will drive us.”  
  
“Paddy will deny it, but he wants to see Aaron as well,” Chas says resigned. “We’ll come on Thursday.”

 

  
\--

 

_Past_

  
DI Hall shows up at the door again the next day and this time he isn’t gloating. He looks regretful even and Victoria wonders how Robert managed to turn him bitter. It seems like Hall is another victim of Robert’s games the way he and Robert where shouting at each other in the pub. For old friendships’ sake, Robert had pleaded. What friendship? What had Robert been doing in all those years away from the village? How does one go from being the mate of a copper to running Chariot Autos?    
  
Paddy had gone to see Aaron in Leeds where Hall had taken him for questioning. He came back silent and withdrawn, completely unlike the usual Paddy with his larger-than-life charisma and happiness.  
  
Aaron’s confession stood. He pushed Katie to her death.  
  
“I’m sorry to drag this back to the surface,” Hall says, sat stiffly and professionally in the chair in front of the couch. “I should maybe explain my actions.”  
  
“Yes, please,” Andy says angrily from where he’s sat beside Victoria.  
  
Victoria gives his hand a gentle squeeze. She hates to see him hurting. But at least he tackling this with a bit more grace, unlike the last time.  
  
“I work in an organised crime unit with a special focus on big scale companies,” Hall says. “For many years, Robert Sugden has offered me several unique ways into organisations with ties to many criminal activities. Because of that we built a good lasting friendship that has helped us both professionally and personally. He has always been a safe bet on getting results… until Aaron came along. Robert now sits in a position where there is precedent to legally persecute him. However, Chariot Autos runs a tight ship and it’s left me no choice but go after the weak link instead.”  
  
“Aaron,” Diane remarks.  
  
Hall nods. “I admit to having a relationship with Aaron and it was perfectly innocent and beneficial to us both. I had no clue what he was to Robert, other than a business investment. It’s given me a unique insight into them both and their dynamic. When Robert took the job with Queen, I didn’t know where to start, so I wondered why a name like Katie meant so much to Aaron, why he was having nightmares about her. I remember Robert once telling me about a school sweetheart with the same name, so eventually I tried that. Getting her phone records and that picture off her cloud was easy enough and the case built fairly easy after that.”  
  
“You don’t think Aaron was solely responsible for killing Katie,” Victoria suddenly realises.  
  
“No, I fully believe he’s covering for Robert or at least taking a lot more blame because of the lighter punishment his mental health will offer. But with no witnesses - who will truly know. The only other person present was Katie,” Hall says. “I’m sorry to spring this on you. I can’t imagine what this will do to you all.”  
  
“How could they both do this to Katie?” Andy says and he sounds heartbroken. “What did she do that was so bad?”  
  
“Robert called in a lot of lawyers before Aaron could say much unfortunately,” Hall says. “Apparently, Aaron was threatening to expose their affair and Robert somehow managed to talk him around before leaving for his wedding. Aaron says that he pushed her, tried to get her to turn over her phone to delete the photo or get her to stay quiet. The floor was unstable, so she fell through when he pushed her.”  
  
“This is dreadful,” Diane says. “Our Aaron.”  
  
“I promise you that I will do everything in my power to push Aaron’s prior conviction forward, so he won’t get a diminished responsibility charge,” Hall says. “I hope it will make Robert think again before doing something illegal.”

 

  
\--

 

_Present_

Paddy is dead silent on the road, wringing his hands and fretting nervously.  
  
“It’s okay to have missed him,” Victoria hears Chas tell him in the back.  
  
Adam pulls Victoria’s hand to his thigh and fits their hands together. She smiles up at him and loves his support. He’s missed his best mate as well and he expressed fairly quickly that he can’t stop being Aaron’s friend despite what he’s done to Katie. They were close, him and Katie, but he is one of the few in the village that believes Aaron’s sentence is sound and fair. It’s been a problem for them, back in the beginning. But Adam is the loyal sort and she can’t fault him for that.  
  
“We are almost there,” he says. They’ve driven towards one of the nicer suburbs of Leeds, which is befitting considering the amount of money Robert probably makes. The houses are spread out nicely, giving it a nice air and plenty of space to walk Stub the Dog who is undoubtedly still around.  
  
The GPS guides them to a modern two-floor house with a sizable driveway and heavy iron gates. The house is surrounded by masses of trees and flowers. It looks loved.  
  
“Here goes nothing,” Victoria says as Adam parks the car and she sees the front door opening, revealing Robert and two German Shepherds, one that has to be Stub.  
  
“All right, Stub,” Adam says and bends down to pet the familiar-looking dog. Stub licks his face and moves on to Chas and Victoria.  
  
The other dog is a bit more hesitant, but even that can’t hold it back since Stub is showing the new arrivals trust. It’s looks like an over-grown puppy and Victoria finds its awkwardness adorable.  
  
“Stub! Texas! Come along,” Robert calls and the two dogs tears off inside. “Welcome to Sapphire House.”  
  
“It’s not very sapphire,” Paddy comments.  
  
“It was when we moved in,” Robert says. “It was atrocious.”  
  
“Where’s Aaron?” Chas says and she sounds almost scared.  
  
“Hiding upstairs,” he tells her. “Come inside. I can promise you that the only individual that will bite is Texas and that’s because she’s a puppy.”  
  
The house is exactly like their previous one had been, mostly white and clean. Nothing is out of order and no necessary stuff is lying around. Robert had explained why once and she has to commend him for doing so much for Aaron’s well-being. It’s still a lads’ house though and the large loudspeakers and consoles are a testament to that.  
  
“It’s very nice,” Paddy says awkwardly.  
  
“Yes, it’s got a nice garden,” Chas pipes in.  
  
Robert gives them an amused look. He turns towards the stairs in the corner and shouts that Aaron better get a move on.  
  
Stub’s nose is visible and Aaron must be standing right out of view. Stub never goes far.  
  
“Aaron, come on, mate,” Adam shouts as well. “It’s just us, yeah.”  
  
The puppy Texas pushes at Victoria’s legs and she bends down to appear friendly and welcoming. The dog’s got the same round beautiful eyes as Stub and she wonders if Texas might be Stub’s puppy.  
  
Aaron finally comes down the stairs tentatively and he looks nothing like the bloke they last saw. His hair is longer and the beard is completely gone. He doesn’t much look like the chav he once was. He’s still wearing black, Victoria can see Robert’s money influencing the way he dresses. He’s got his hands deep in his trousers and his eyes are guarded but proud.  
  
Adam is the first to move and envelopes his best friend in a hug. Aaron tentatively puts his arm around his waist and holds it a bit longer than he probably intended. Adam doesn’t seem to mind. “You look good, bro,” Adam says. “Stub too.”  
  
“She had puppies, Stub did,” Aaron says and Victoria he can see he’s struggling to make conversation. “They’ve all gone to training. Except Texas. She’s uh got an overbite, which apparently disqualifies her.”  
  
“She doesn’t look like she’s got an overbite,” Victoria says and stares down at Texas’ slim face. “You’re dead pretty, yes you are.”  
  
Texas licks her hand.  
  
“Don’t get too attached, Vic,” Adam teases her.  
  
“So, brew everyone?” Robert says and he’s acting like Victoria remembers him, the perfect host in a perfect home. The house might be pristine and look perfect from the outside, but Robert and Aaron are far from perfect or anything close to it. They’re together because of bad things, because of deceit and lies and seeing them having built a home makes her go fuming all over again.  
  
How dare they be happy when Katie’s dead?  
  
Victoria shakes herself out of her anger when Paddy asks for something stronger. She could use something stronger as well.  
  
“We don’t have alcohol in the house,” Aaron says and glances at Robert’s suddenly tight posture. There’s a story there, but they don’t seem willing to share it.  
  
“Brew it is then,” Paddy says awkwardly.  
  
Chas has had a hard time convincing Paddy to even get into the car and now that he’s here, he can’t seem to find any rest. Aaron watches him with a terribly sad look on his face and Victoria knows that she and Adam are only here to act as a barrier, that Paddy wouldn’t have gone otherwise. He doesn’t want Aaron’s attention, though Aaron will fight for it.  
  
But they are here in the home Robert and Aaron have built for themselves, trying to get by without family and she is impressed by the amount of loyalty they are showing each other.  
  
Then again, they have for a long time.

 

  
\--

 

_Past_

  
Aaron’s trial is closed, completely closed, and the only reason Robert has been allowed inside is because he’s a witness. The rest is sitting in tense silence in the back of the pub while Doug runs the front.  
  
Chrissie is there, alongside her father. She had been angry at Robert all over again since she found out that he had seen Aaron on their wedding day, betrayed all over again. When she asked if she could be with the rest of them while they waited together, no one could say no. Victoria understands her anger perfectly, even though she made her peace with Robert and Aaron as Aaron steadily got worse in part to her own actions. Victoria wonders what the Whites will do now, if they will stay in Emmerdale. It seems Chrissie has started a business up down south and spends more time down there than she does at home, leaving most of the Home Farm management to Nicola. The rest of the move must happen soon.  
  
Paddy blames himself and it’s hard to watch someone so lively and full of love and life look tired and withdrawn. No one has invested more time and love in Aaron than Paddy, and for Paddy to learn that Aaron lied directly to his face about his whereabouts on the day of Robert’s wedding has completely drained him. Chas might have raged at the same point, but Paddy has taken it personally.  
  
No one has seen much of Robert since Aaron was taken away, though Hall has taken his time to come around and update them on the case. It’s been hard building a legal case, he explains, with Aaron’s lawyers putting up trouble at every corner. Aaron’s locked away in Leeds and Robert only comes by in the dead of the night to change to sleep or change his clothes. He’s distanced himself completely, maybe out of shame or guilt, but it supports Hall’s theory that Aaron is not actually the one that committed the crime… or at least not alone.  
  
For Andy, it’s a new thing he has had to come to terms with. There is no doubt that his brother is somehow complicit in Katie’s death, even if they don’t know who exactly pushed her to her death. No one doubts that Robert has motive, but he’s not the one who confessed and it’s still Aaron that will sit trial for voluntary manslaughter.  
  
Chas is staring at her watch, commenting the time every other minute while making a guess on where in the trial they are. Hall’s updates help, but only slightly since they’re very much lacking in information.  
  
Victoria is watching her family fall into madness, the guilt of not having guessed weighing on everyone’s mind. Guilt for allowing Aaron to spiral further out of control when it should have been obvious that something more was setting him off. Maybe they are all a bit culpable in all of this, but no matter how much Victoria tries to think of Aaron voluntarily pushing someone else to their death because of a bloke, she can’t. But the actual fact is that he did and he needs to see justice.  
  
Andy is owed that.  
  
It’s gone nearly six in the evening when Hall informs them of the verdict.  
  
“Voluntary manslaughter with diminished responsibility,” Chas reads of her phone. “He will be hospitalized and receive mandatory treatment five times a week the next eighteen months.”  
  
“He won’t go to jail?” Andy says.  
  
“No,” Chas says and for the first time since the reveal, she breaks down in sobs.  
  
It seems unfair and unjust. Aaron killed Jackson and it might have been something Jackson wanted, but apparently Aaron’s not bothered with someone dying at his hands anymore. When you’ve taken a life, Victoria realises, the next time doesn’t seem so hard. She shudders at her own thoughts and knows objectively that it’s not true, that Aaron will never recover from this. Depressions last a lifetime and Aaron is hit hard with his.  
  
“I never want to see him again,” Paddy says angrily. “I won’t forgive him for this.”      
  
“God, this is a mess,” Diane sighs and Victoria has to agree. How do they go back from this?  


 

  
\--

 

  
_Present_  
  
The garden is well-cared for and Victoria watches the dogs sniffing around happily while Robert tries to make polite conversation and Aaron stands around awkwardly, hovering beside him. It truly is a beautiful garden and Victoria can see the hours upon hours Aaron’s put into it. Maybe it helps him.  
  
Robert asks if Stranton has been back and it creates a momentary distraction where Chas thanks him haltingly and Victoria watches him knowing all of it already. She wonders if he’s got someone watching over them until he’s sure Stranton has gone completely and won’t be bothering them again.  
  
“Texas!” Aaron suddenly shouts at his dog and the puppy gives him a guilty look before leaving the flowerbed. Stub nudges Texas further away and they continue their hunt for smells.  
  
“She would never listen to me,” Robert remarks in good humour and bumps into Aaron’s shoulder.  
  
Aaron cracks a tentative smile.    
  
“So, what do you do now?” Adam asks him when tea’s been served and they’re sitting at Robert and Aaron’s fancy dining table. “Or can you… you know with the…”  
  
“I can’t really work full-time,” Aaron says.  
  
“He works at one of my premier car dealerships,” Robert says proudly, as if it’s something recent and something to be proud off. “It’s only about ten hours a week, because of the counselling.”  
   
  
Like anyone needs reminding that the reason they’re sat here and not in a prison visiting room is because of faulty sentencing and Aaron’s sickness.  
  
  
“He’s also started training Texas,” Robert informs them. “They’re making very quick progress.”  
  
   
  
“You’ve always had an affinity for dogs,” Paddy says and it sounds almost nostalgic.  
  
   
  
Aaron looks pained by Paddy statement and starts fidgeting in his chair. “I’m sorry, I thought I could do this,” he says and gets up, before taking the stairs in two, Stub following behind him with her tail between her legs.  
  
   
  
Robert looks after him in regret and sighs, before pushing his chair back. “Excuse me,” he tells them and follows.  
  
   
  
“Do anyone think Robert will ever stop following two steps behind Aaron’s every step?” Chas says bitterly and puts words to what Victoria is thinking. “Robert’s given him a house, a dog, more cars than anyone needs and a job. Is it guilt?”  
  
   
  
“I honestly think they are passed that,” Paddy says. “I think a lot more happens between them than the rest of us are allowed to witness.”  
  
   
  
Victoria have thought all of these things and more. Robert has been compensating for Aaron since they’ve got here – with information, with small talk. He lets Aaron work in probably the fanciest car dealership he runs and has given him a house that Victoria could only ever dream of seeing from the inside. It does seem like there is something more going on than just Robert talking and Aaron nodding along like a puppet. Aaron isn’t like that and never has been. There must be more to it than that.  
  
She looks down at Texas’ big round eyes where her face are resting on her lab.  
  
“I think the big question is whether we can allow ourselves to forgive,” she says. “The sentencing has been done and they’ve had to adapt to a new situation. Maybe we should too. We’ve tried shutting them away and all it does is make us miserable.”  
  
   
  
“You mean we should be tackling it head on instead?” Adam says. “Isn’t that like forgetting what they’ve done?”  
  
   
“We’ve all had to come to terms with this,” Chas says. “And I still don’t know how to forgive this.”  
  
  
“I’m not asking for anyone’s forgiveness,” Aaron says from the top of the chairs where he’s appeared without any of them noticing. He’s got a firm grip on Robert’s hand and he for the first time since they arrived he looks calm and resolute.  
  
   
Robert stands behind him as always, a silent comfort. They are tied together in all things and dealing with things head on is one of those things.  
  
   
  
“I’m asking you to understand that we couldn’t have foreseen the floor giving out under Katie’s feet,” Aaron says and thugs Robert down the stairs. “But we should have said something from the beginning.”  
  
   
  
“Are you taking responsibility too, Robert? Did you have a part in this?” Paddy says.  
  
   
  
Robert looks divided, but one look at Aaron and he speaks up. “I prevented Aaron from calling the police. And I have served my punishment for it.”  
  
   
  
“I don’t know if it’s enough,” Paddy says.  
  
   
Aaron looks devastated, because in the end Paddy’s voice is the only voice that matters to him and anyone who has seen their relationship knows that. Just as Aaron acts as Robert’s conscience (which is well odd and completely unhealthy), Aaron wants his reason for being a better person back and as much as Victoria can see that he will do anything for Robert, no one can survive on passion alone. Aaron wants Paddy’s guidance and support and by withholding it, maybe he won’t have a chance of getting better.  
  
   
  
Victoria can tell. She can see it in the panic in Robert’s eyes, the resignation in Aaron. Robert will try to move heaven and earth for Aaron, like he’s done before, but he needs Aaron to get better as well. It can’t be healthy loving someone that much, especially when they are as sick as Aaron. It has got to be hard for Robert and she will give him credit where credit is due for sticking it out.  
  
   
  
“We live here,” Robert says, squaring his shoulders. “Our lives are here. But you’re our family and that means something.”  
  
   
  
Maybe once hearing those words coming from his mouth, Victoria might have preened with joy and given him a hug. She sees it for what it is now, though, a desperate plea for forgiveness and to gain some sort of control of their lives. A lot of things about Robert became a lot more clear after she knew what lay behind his actions. And to think she ever thought that he had changed into something better. What a flaming joke.  
  
 

 

\--

 

_Past_  
   
“Have you seen Robert’s car is outside his house?” Moira says hurriedly as she enters the pub. “He looked in a right hurry.”  
  
It’s a couple of days after the trial and they haven’t seen anything of Robert or Aaron since. Victoria wonders where Robert is staying, since she knows for a fact that the Rover has been absent since the day of the trial. Andy has been watching from his room, unable to sleep and begging for the chance to shout at his brother, to hear something that isn’t Hall relaying information over text.  
   
  
“Andy, no!” she shouts after her brother and tears after him as he storms towards Robert’s car. She hadn’t even realised he had been in the pub.  
  
   
  
She sees Robert appear from the door with two duffel bags in each hand, but he barely registers Andy before he’s pushed into the side of his Range Rover.  
  
   
  
“You are a twisted excuse for a man!” Andy shouts and ignores Victoria’s plea to release Robert. “DI Hall thinks you did it, you know. He’s just not got enough evidence to back it!  
  
   
  
“I’m sorry,” Robert says and grabs Andy’s wrists, but Andy’s hold is tight.  
  
   
  
“I thought you were meant to love Aaron. How can you justify any of this?"  
  
   
  
“Andy, let go of me,” Robert says calmly. “Let’s talk about this.”  
  
   
  
“I think we’ve had enough talking,” Andy keeps shouting and Victoria gives up trying to stop him. Andy will have his say in this. He deserves this.  
  
   
  
“I’m getting punished for this as well,” Robert says and he does honestly look devastated and struggling.  
  
   
  
“House-arrest for six months isn’t a punishment. That’s you going about your business while Katie’s dead.”  
  
   
  
“I watched as she fell, Andy, and I have to live with that! But it was an accident! I swear to the love of Jack that I did not commit a murder,” Robert is almost whispering and the only reason Victoria hears him is because she’s standing so close.  
  
   
  
“No, Aaron committed murder,” Andy says. “And all we have to show for Katie dying is some poor conviction because he’s a bit sick in the head.”  
  
   
  
“He’s not just a bit sick in the head,” Robert bites and it’s the first contrary reaction Victoria’s seen from him since Andy pushed him up against the car.  
  
   
  
“You’re defending the wrong person,” Andy spits back. “If you want any hope of ever seeing me again, you will stop defending him.”  
  
   
  
Robert laughs chillingly. “I lost all hope of us ever being proper brothers again the moment Nicholas Hall walked into that pub,” he say harshly. “Aaron loves me. He loves me. He needs me. Everyone always loves you, no matter that you’ve pushed your girlfriend around. Do you know what it’s like to have only one person in this world who truly loves and needs you? Because I do and I won’t throw that away on the off chance that you might forgive me in the future.”  
  
   
  
“You’re digging your own grave, Robert,” Victoria can’t help but add. She’s watched silently while her brothers have battled it out. She will have her say as well. “Aaron’s depression will end you! Look at what’s it made you do! You’re making allowances for his behaviour.”  
  
   
  
“But at least it will be my choice,” Robert says and finally manages to push Andy off. He gathers the bags and puts them into the backseat of the Range Rover. “I am sorry,” he says and they’re famous last words really.  
  
   
  
Once again, Victoria and Andy are left to pick up the pieces of Robert’s choices. She finally realises how much she truly hates him.  
  
 

 

  
\--

 

_Future_  
  
But time heals… or so she thinks.  
  
The Stranton brothers come back and wreak havoc and Victoria still remember the terror of being backed into a corner. She calls Robert, hysterically crying, pleading for his help. Please, she remembers saying, he's in the back room.    
  
Robert isn't weak. He's powerful and scary. He's got men behind him who are willing to do a great many things for him. And they do and suddenly he's back in their lives, from one day to the next.  
  
Nothing had been resolved that day in Leeds, except cause a greater divide between Aaron and Paddy that had Chas worriedly serving Paddy pints in the pub while he sits withdrawn and unhappy in a corner. Nothing had been resolved until the day Robert stands in The Woolpack arms spread wide.  
  
"I'm here," he says with a hard look on his face. "I've served my sentence. Face me."  
  
And so they did.  
  
Aaron obviously isn’t happy about any of it, Robert selling Sapphire House and setting them up in Home Farm since the White family’s hasty departure a year earlier. He sticks mostly to himself, but the Dingles are determined, undermining Chas’ anger and including him back in their family. But that doesn’t mean they don’t shout at each, pushing and pulling at each other, both stubborn as a pair of mules. But Robert is firm and hard and they are back in Emmerdale for good, creating a plethora of new problems for the Sugden family that has Victoria in more tears than she’s ever been before.  
  
"None of us want to see him," Victoria shouts that next summer, Robert standing in front of her, hands on his hips and defiant.  
  
"He cannot be held accountable for his actions," Robert shouts back and the village are just spectators, BBQ grills surrounding them and the sound of children playing in the background. "He is sick!"  
  
"He killed Katie."  
  
"The floor. Gave. Out. Under. Her!" Robert snaps at her.  
  
"He confessed to the police, Robert. You can't excuse that."  
  
"In the eyes of the law, he has served his sentence."  
  
They have been trying to get along with Aaron, but it's been hard. Victoria sees what his presence is doing to Andy and she wants him to leave. She doesn't want to be in the middle of it all, but she can't stand the look of sorrow on Andy's face. It's all-encompassing and grief-stricken. She hates it.  
  
So, she'll shout in the middle of the village, trying to make Robert understand that she might not mind Robert, but Aaron needs to go.  
  
"He is hurting Andy, Robert," she says. "He is your brother. How can you not care? Hasn't he gone through enough?"  
  
"Oh, so we'll just take extra care of little Andy's hurt feelings. He's a big boy, Vic. I think he can handle it," Robert says and she hates when he gets like that, all mean and spiteful, pushing the blame onto someone else. "You asked me to come back. You asked me to stay. I won't stay without Aaron."  
  
"Aaron's got a family," she says. "And so have you, but it's not him."  
  
"What do you know about me and him?" Robert asks her angrily. "In fact, what do any of you know about us? You're just spectators, you are! You don't know anything."  
  
"I know it's unhealthy," Victoria says and she means it.  
  
Robert's gaze zooms around her and staring at the faces in the crowd. "You don't know anything, Victoria, and stop pretending that you do."  
  
"Then tell me, tell me why you have to pull yourself to pieces trying to protect him? He's just a man and there are plenty of those around," she says and spreads her arms.  
  
"How can I explain something you clearly won't understand?" Robert says almost resigned. "You don't understand the sacrifices we've made, the both of us. None of you get to see any of that. You just watch us from the outside and make judgments about what you think is going on. You don't know what I've done for him or what he's done for me. How can you possibly understand?"  
  
Victoria feels the words in the pit of her bones. He won't give Aaron up. He won't leave him.  
  
Instead, they will continue killings each other until there is nothing left. But maybe Robert is right, too. Maybe none of them really understands. Maybe she's got it wrong somewhere and Robert is actually content. Maybe the role of provider has settled him and Aaron has given him something special and meaningful - something he clearly lacked most of his life.  
  
She hates them both for what they've done to Katie and for how they carried on and did so many things while Katie's is dead. Robert has influence and power, a home where he doesn't feel less. He's just Robert - the conniving Robert that just wanted to be loved and respected. And he's got it... almost. Maybe one day everyone will forget about his and Aaron's wrong-doings. Things could just go back to the way it was before.

 

  
\--

 

 

_Future, pt. 2_

  
Carly and Ross’ wedding happens on a warm summer day, birds chirping happily and the warmth is nearly stifling. Finn looks handsome in his best man suit besides Pete and Adam.  
  
Home Farm is bustling with people while Robert oversees the party, even ordering Victoria around. He’s grumpy though and looks more tired than she’s seen him for weeks. His hair’s a bit unkempt and he is easy to anger. Everyone is walking around him on eggshells, putting their heads down, but as soon as one of the guests see him, he’s all smiles and happiness, putting on a fake face. He’s not even the Estate Manager anymore, but as lord of the manor he still gets the last word. Victoria knows he likes to be in control, especially when he doesn’t feel like he’s in control of anything else. It doesn't quite feel like the same Home Farm without two German Shephards walking the grounds. He’s had to take Stub and Texas away because Carly refused to have them ruin her wedding dress. It feels empty without them running at his feet.  
  
Aaron’s been suspiciously absent the entire day and Robert has evaded questions of his whereabouts to anyone who dared asking.  
  
Victoria notices the circles under his eyes and she’s once again reminded of why she truly believes his relationship with Aaron is a bad idea. Both Paddy and Robert were right when they said that no one really got to see the actual relationship between Robert and Aaron and how it played out in private. So, Victoria started paying attention to all the little things. She sees the touches, the lingering eyes and the way Robert plays circles around everyone, but instantly stops the minute Aaron has a say. Sometimes it’s a simple look, a roll of eyes, a hand on the small of Robert’s back… sometimes it’s just Aaron being in the general vicinity.  
  
Robert stretches himself too thin around Aaron, juggling a demanding job while trying to maintain a relationship with a person who walks around in a daze because of his meds. It’s even worse now than before, back when Robert was trying to get Aaron back. It’s a mess and Victoria can’t help but feel a certain worry about what the future holds.  
  
“Have you seen the champagne?” Leyla asks and Victoria shakes herself out of her stupor.  
  
It’s no use wondering what drama is playing out in Robert and Aaron Land. They won’t confide in anyone else anyway, especially not with the way Victoria went on about Aaron in the middle of the village in front of everyone. Robert’s barely said two pleasant words to her since.  
  
“Yeah, give me a second,” Victoria tells Layla and finishes serving a dish. She’s not meant to be working, but because Robert’s been a right bastard, Marlon’s gone into stress-overdrive and is driving everyone extra mad.  
  
She walks into the one of the closed-off rooms, where guests aren’t allowed, and looks after the champagne boxes. She’s sure Chas said she put them in here earlier. There isn’t anything in there though and she sighs annoyed. She must have heard wrong.  
  
There is a small crash and she startles, turning towards the bathroom door that’s been completely shut the entire time she’s been in the room.  
  
“Hello, is anyone here?” she asks cautiously and knocks on the bathroom door. There is no answer and she slowly turns the door handle and peers inside. Something rattles as she opens the door and she looks down to find a couple of empty wine bottle slowly rolling over the marble floors. There’s the champagne then – or what is left. They look empty.  
  
“What a mess,” she mutters to herself and pushes the door completely open. She doesn’t completely register what she sees for a moment, too shocked to react. “Aaron,” she breathes out horrified and runs to the bathtub where she grabs onto his trouser-clad legs and tries to pull at him. His head is underwater and he isn’t struggling, completely lax and life-less. He’s heavy and she struggles, pulling at his clothes and trying to keep him above water. He’s dead weight and doesn’t respond to her pounding at his chest.  
  
“Somebody help!” she shouts, but the music is loud outside and it doesn’t feel like anyone is listening. She needs help. She gives his chest a last desperate hit, before running out of the bathroom, screaming for help.  
  
Ross turns a corner, closely followed by a looming Cain, and whatever their business is, it’s completely forgotten by the time she’s told them that Aaron’s drowned. “I can’t get him out of the water!”  
  
“Call an ambulance!” Cain shouts at her and follows Ross into the bathroom, pulling Aaron out of the water easily.  
  
She fumbles after her phone, but she’s left it in the kitchen and she runs so fast. She needs to run fast.  
  
“Did you fall in the water or something?” Leyla comments annoyed until she sees Victoria frantically looking for her phone. “What’s happening? Here, use mine.”  
  
Victoria grabs Leyla’s offered phone and presses in the three nines.  
  
“Vic, you’re worrying me,” Leyla says.  
  
“Aaron, I think he’s drowned,” Victoria tells the operator. “Home Farm Estate... in Emmerdale.”  
  
“Oh my God,” Leyla says, holding her hands over her mouth in shock.  
  
“They’re performing CPR,” Victoria says and answers the operator’s questions. “There was a lot of empty bottles of champagne. No, I didn’t see any pill bottles.”  
  
When the operator promises there is an ambulance on the way, she walks back towards the bathroom and watches Ross counting and pressing his hands onto Aaron’s chest. All she can see is Aaron’s blue lips and the scars on the his stomach from where his shirts ridden up in time to Ross trying to save his life. Cain is holding Aaron’s head in his lap, telling him to wake up or he’ll kill Aaron himself, to not leave Chas and the rest of his family.  
  
“I can’t find Robert anywhere,” Leyla says, coming up behind where Victoria stands motionless, Leyla’s phone pressed to her chest. It seems like forever before Leyla tells her she can hear the ambulance in the distance and drags Victoria out to meet them. By then, the wedding guests have figured out something is wrong. Adam is trying to get in contact with her, but she shrugs him off. She doesn’t know how to tell him. How is she supposed to tell Aaron’s best friend that she found him lifeless in a bathtub? It’s supposed to be a wedding, not the beginning of a funeral. Or the reason for one.  
  
Leyla leads the paramedics inside and it’s not until then an annoyed and slightly drunk Robert makes his appearance.  
  
“Why is there always drama at these things?” he says in good humour. “Can we just have something nice for a change?”  
  
“Aaron tried to kill himself,” Victoria shouts and the colour drains from Robert’s face immediately. “And this time I think he’s succeeded!”  
  
“What?” he says and tears off, trying to get inside, shouting Aaron’s name, but Ross meets him at the door and forcibly keeps a hold on him with Cain coming to help in seconds.  
  
“Let them to their job!” Cain yells, but it’s no use. Robert still struggles.  
  
Victoria watches the rest of it in a daze – sees the pain in Robert’s eyes as they finally wheel Aaron out of the house, still completely lifeless, and the complete resignation in his shoulders when the ambulance doors closes and it drives away, sirens high and loud. She doesn’t struggle when Adam pushes her into the back of a car. Marlon is driving because the rest of them have drunk too much. The car is silent and thankfully no one asks Victoria what she saw or how she found him. She wouldn’t know what to say anyway and maybe it hasn’t sunk in completely. She absently listens to Cain telling Chas and Paddy the news and the fake calm under pressure that comes with having done it before. Cain has had to drive so many if his family members to hospital and each time the entire clan gathers to support.  
  
It feels like days ago that she was trying to find the champagne and instead found a lifeless man. She sees him in his mind, the way his hands were limp and that special stillness to someone that just isn’t alive anymore. She sees everything so very clearly.  
  
Robert has been pacing up and down the floor in Casualty, driving Chas crazy and setting up hurtful arguments that helps no one and just creates bad tension. No one knows what to do.  
  
Victoria feels so helpless.  
  
A younger-looking doctor comes out and sits Robert down, but Robert isn’t still, tapping his legs up and down until Victoria walks over and pushes her hand onto his knees until he stills.  
  
“Has there been any indication Mr. Livesy has been undergoing more emotional stress recently?” the Doctor asks kindly.  
  
Robert snorts. “No more than usual,” he says and receives a sharp look from a red-eyed Chas. He closes his eyes and relaxes his shoulders. “We moved back from Leeds a couple of months back,” he tells the doctor. “Doctor Anderson recommended reconnecting with his family might bring a certain peace of mind.”  
  
“How long has he been depressed?” the Doctor says.  
  
“His entire adult life,” Robert says. “He has been managing it for years, and he’s taken his meds and gone to the necessary help groups and whatnot. He’s been very good at that. But, recently… he says the medicine makes his mind slow – like he’s drowning and he hates feeling like a zombie.”    
  
“Do you know what pills he takes?”  
  
Robert nods and rattles of a longer list of pills than what can possibly be healthy. The Doctor makes a note for every new pill, nodding to himself and asks about specific indicators of Aaron’s depression – how it usually manifests, what are the warning signs, how often does he go to a psychiatrist. Robert answers each and every question with precise replies that are meant to help. It’s almost clinical and rehearsed.  
  
Does he pay his own bills? No.  
  
Does he forget to cut his hair? Yes.  
  
Do you have set times for meals? Yes.  
  
Does he forget if you don’t? Yes.  
  
Can he hold a job? No.  
  
It goes on and on until Victoria is crying by the sheer amount of responsibility Robert has taken upon himself.  
  
“You don’t think it might be time for him to go somewhere he can learn to take care of himself?” the Doctor asks and Robert shakes his head no.  
  
“Aaron will stay with me,” he says with determination and he looks almost feverish.  
  
“You can’t save him from himself,” Chas says, tears streaming down her face, as she kneels in front of Robert.  
  
He looks away from her and crosses his arms. “I have done it before. When Katie died, I pushed and prodded him until he got better. I did what I had to do. I can do all of it again.”  
  
“He didn’t try to overtly kill himself last time,” Adam says from somewhere.  
  
Robert laughs so sadly. There is nothing happy about it and it chills Victoria into her bones. “Aaron was going to blow it all at Katie’s funeral, tell everyone the truth. He was so selfish, you know, wanting to take all the attention while everyone celebrated her life and then we had to stop Andy at the quarry. Aaron, he was just staring into the water –“  
  
“And then he started running,” Chas comments.  
  
“I stopped that, too,” Robert says fervently. “Remember, I stopped that too.”  
  
“It’s sick, Rob,” Victoria says gently. “You need to let him go. I’m not saying forever, but just until he gets a bit better.”  
  
“It doesn’t get better, Victoria,” he says. “It’s constant and every flaming day. It’s day in and day out. It’s like Val’s disease - treatable, but not curable. Do any of you get that? Do you understand how strong Aaron is and how much time it takes for him to get out of bed every morning? You don’t understand anything.”  
  
Victoria rubs her eyes. He won’t ever understand and she doesn’t know how to make him understand. None of them do.

 

 

  
\--

 

_Future, pt. 3_

  
Aaron lies in a coma for twelve grueling days. It’s twelve days of worry and Robert walking around with dead eyes and that’s when Victoria finally learns why he and Aaron never have any alcohol in the house. He’s an ugly drunk, scathing and cruel in every way. He lashes out at everyone who dares doubt that Aaron won’t make it. One night, Victoria stays up an entire night making sure he doesn’t drown in his own vomit, laid out on the bathroom floor in the special lock Emma showed her. She strokes his sweaty forehead and wonders how you go from a strong-willed and clever businessman to a sniveling drunk who can barely walk. Is this what Robert and Aaron have become? A couple who has spent more time making each other miserable than happy. How can any of it be worth it?  
  
On the sixth day, Victoria answers Robert’s phone and tells Alfred Queen the lay of the land.  
  
“It’s not often you see true love, is it?” Queen remarks. “But the work at his office has been getting done. Maybe someone is doing it for him?”  
  
She sees the Not-Quite-A-Salesman slash Information-Provider greeting Ross at the pub and remembers his name to be Hensley. When she confronts Ross about him getting involved in Robert’s less than straight line of business, Ross snorts and tells her he’s been doing a lot of Robert’s dirty jobs for years. It’s nothing new.  
  
It’s a combination of Belle coming to see him and Aaron waking up from his medical coma that has Robert pushing the alcohol away and putting on some proper clothes. He cuts his hair and gets Victoria and Adam to check Home Farm through for alcohol. When they’re done, he talks a hesitant Laurel into after-checking that they haven’t missed anything.  
  
“You can’t hide alcohol from an alcoholic,” Laurel comments sadly when she finds three bottles of wine by the spare deck in the back of one of Robert’s cars.  
  
Something definitely changes with Aaron waking back up. Victoria can’t put her finger on it, but it feels like something has got to give. She won’t stand for Robert killing himself in the process of keeping Aaron alive. She won’t bury another family member. She’s got barely no parents, aside from Diane, and there are no endless amounts of cousins and sons or daughters like the Dingles. She feels alone, especially because Sarah is taking up so much of Andy’s time. Which is good, she supposes, since he won’t be focusing on Robert and how much he still hates him.  
  
She feels out of her depth when she stands in front of Aaron’s recovery room. He’s been admitted into the mental illness wing and everything is so calm there. Almost zombie-like in the way people stare at her with nothing behind their eyes. It feels like they’re dead inside. Maybe that’s what it feels like to be Aaron and maybe that’s why he tried to kill himself. It must be so hard feeling nothing. She’s even gotten Belle to try to explain and she’s gone on the internet and read so many things.  
  
Aaron is sitting in a wheelchair, overlooking the car park. He lifts his head when he hears her and gives her a cursory look and a tiny tired smile.  
  
“You don’t have to pretend to be happy to see me,” she says. “I’m the one who stopped you from killing yourself.”  
  
“Yeah, Rob said,” Aaron says and his voice is rough and unused. “Sorry ‘bout the hassle.”  
  
Hassle? Saving someone isn’t a hassle. It’s the right thing to do and she still believes that. She can’t ever make herself think that she could let someone die, just so there would be less hassle. She won’t do what Aaron did to Katie.  
  
“Aaron,” she says softly. “Do you think you can ever be happy again?”  
  
She’s pulled up a chair besides the wheel chair and Aaron’s turned towards her. So, she watches his face react to the question. She doesn’t know how to describe this unbearable sadness that seems to be permanently attached to his soul. He looks tired and old.  
  
“There is a place in Cornwall,” he tells her. “It’s a treatment facility. It’s what you’re here to tell me to do, isn’t it?”  
  
She doesn’t deny it.  
  
“I’ve been thinking about it for a while,” he says and she gives him a surprised look. “I’m not actually unaware I’ve gotten worse.”  
  
She smiles at him sadly and he bites his lip.  
  
“I thought me and Robert could do everything,” he says. “When he left Chrissie. When he kept on loving me even though I hated him. He had this belief in me. I thought we could do this together and we could function. Maybe I’m just a stupid romantic who thinks love conquers all, real flaming Shakespearean. Well, you know what, I don’t think Shakespeare had a depression.”  
  
“I know you love each other,” Victoria says. “I know that you found something special, something that would make Robert almost content with himself. He’s never been more aware of himself and it’s all down to you. I truly believe that.”  
  
“But you hate me,” Aaron states.  
  
“Yes,” Victoria answers honestly. “I hate the things you do for each other. There are other people living around you, who cares for you and loves you both. You have the entire Dingle clan, every single one of them and they love you to bits. Robert doesn’t see anything beyond himself and what he can do for you. He doesn’t see that people care for him too. That DI Hall said that he only took the job with Chariot Autos because you told him to. Don’t you see that you’re not alone? You don’t have to be alone anymore.”  
  
Aaron stares at her silently. “Do they really love me?”  
  
“There are so many people who love you, Aaron,” she says. “Why do you think we got so angry with you?”  
  
“Oh,” he says and it looks like the thought hasn’t even occurred to him. “Are you sure?”  
  
She nods and gives his arm a squeeze. She feels like she’s never been this honest about anything. She’s not out to do anything really and he knows that she’s not his biggest fan. They’re just having an honest conversation and she feels like she’s gotten something off her chest that she’s carried for a long time.  
  
Maybe she’s forgiven him.  
  
Aaron Livesy leaves the village with only a bag over his shoulder and Stub on a leash. Chas and Paddy are staring after him with devastated looks on their faces, but no one looks quite as sad as Robert. He’s got his face pressed into Aaron’s neck, his arms locked tight around Aaron’s waist, and from the looks of it, he’s still trying to make Aaron reconsider. The Range Rover still stands half-packed from where Robert made a desperate last try to go with Aaron, but it’s been no use.  
  
Victoria is the only person in the village who knows the address of where Aaron will be staying. She’s memorized it and promised to never disclose it unless something has gone completely pear-shaped. Aaron has confided in her that Robert has enough resources to track him down in hours if he wants, but that he hopes that Robert won’t. He hopes that he can recover, very slowly and with a lot of help, and come back as something other than a shadow. He wants to be a functioning human being. He wants to exist as something more than his depression.  
  
She may have gone to him at hospital to get him to leave Robert for all the wrong reasons, but Aaron’s chosen to leave for all the right reasons. He’s admirable that way and it’s suddenly heart-wrenching watching him be brave and stoic.  
  
Aaron kisses and kisses Robert, his cheeks, his lips, his eyelids. He’s got his hands in Robert’s hair and it’s tender and loving. It feels almost too intimate to be happening in the middle of the road, where everyone could be watching. When he finally lets go, Robert straightens his shoulders and holds his head high and they give each other a final looks before Aaron gets into the bus, Stub trailing after him with her tail between her legs.  
  
Robert stares after the bus for a long time, arms crossed.  
  
Victoria waits him out and doesn’t question it when he comes knocking in the middle of the night, because he doesn’t know how to sleep alone any longer.  
  
“He’ll come back,” he says, lying beside her with his head resting on his hands, staring at the ceiling.  
  
“What makes you say that?” she asks curiously, because his voice is strong and unwavering.  
  
“Because it’s real, isn’t it? It’s always been real,” he says and she can see the gleam of his pearly teeth in the darkness. He’s smiling. He’s hopeful.

 

 

  
  
  The End

(5-4-15)  


**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr as reinacadeea as well. All feedback is welcomed and appreciated.


End file.
